hello there, 2AM.

yuuup. its me again. i thought i wouldn`t have to see you until finals week, or at least PCN hell week, but here you are & here i am. another rambling is about to take place due to lack of sleep:

i hate how you`re there for people & they`re not there for you. i`ve been super emo (& fat, due to my monthly menstrual cycle) & i`ve just been feeling invisible. everyone needs me/talks to me when they want something from me & that ain`t cool. people have been bailing out on me & of course, i never say anything that`s on my mind because i don`t like starting drama. my roommate is right. i am passive agressive. i take shit when most people would just lash out. well, i can be agressive &/or violent when provoked, but its gonna take alot. & it kinda sucks because i feel like i`m always taken advantage of & out of the loop. maan, fuuckk iitt. i`m just gonna put my social life on pause since there`s nothing to interesting to record anyways.

& NURSING IS JUST AS HARD AS MED SCHOOL, you idiot. i overheard a resident (doctor) & another resident (anesthesiologist) complain about a nurse`s competency because she got excited about a patient because he or she is doing well, to put it on everyday terms, & not getting worse. but the doctors, with their stupid egotistical & pseudo-superior mindset ranted on & on about the patient`s health & how, technically, it wasn`t getting better. okaay, i get the whole pathophysio. shit about the patient`s health, BUT THAT`S ONE LESS SYSTEM TO WORRY ABOUT. gaaah. the doctors sweeeaarr they know more than the nurses, but the nurses know more about the patient than they. i bet the nurses spend more time with the patient in an hour than they do in a fuckin` WEEK. but yeeaah, that totally pissed me off. if it wasn`t for nurses, the doctors won`t be able to do their jobs. i would LOVE to see them wipe ass & give at least 20 meds. an hour per patient (& nurses take care of 4-6 patients). so that adds up to 80-120 meds AN HOUR. & the nurses are on 12 hour shifts. i wanted to lecture him because he doesn`t CARE about the patient. he just wants to diagnose & treat. oh & another thing, since i was in the OR (operating room) this week, if you`re a fckin` doctor, DON`T BE FUCKIN` LEANING ON THE PATIENT WHILE DOING SURGERY ! fuuuck. since the med. student was pregnant, i wanted to ask her how it would feel if, while giving birth, the nurse leaned all up on her to see what was going on ! & for god fuckin` sakes, don`t think NURSES ARE FUCKIN` INCOMPETENT, because right now, i know as much as or more than the med. students who are in their 1st or 2nd year of residency. TRUST.